Why we compare ourselves to others

Why We Compare Ourselves to Others

By KerbieVerse Inner Mastery

We’ve all done it.

You can be perfectly happy with your life, minding your own business, drinking your brew, feeling reasonably pleased with how things are going… and then you see somebody doing something similar to you who appears to be doing it bigger, better and with considerably better lighting.

And suddenly your perfectly decent life looks a bit crap. 😂

Welcome to comparison.

It’s one of those things we know we shouldn’t do, but telling yourself “stop comparing yourself” isn’t particularly useful. If it were that easy, we’d have stopped doing it years ago.

The more interesting question is why do we do it in the first place?

We Have Always Compared

Comparison isn’t something invented by Instagram.

Human beings have always looked around to work out where they stand.

Am I safe?

Do I belong here?

Am I doing well?

Do other people accept me?

There was probably some bloke sitting outside a cave thousands of years ago thinking, “His fire’s bigger than mine.”

It’s human.

The problem isn’t noticing what other people are doing. The problem begins when we use somebody else’s life as evidence that ours isn’t good enough.

That’s when comparison starts robbing us of what we’ve already got.

Social Media Has Turned the Volume Up

We now have access to thousands of people’s lives every single day.

Or at least the bits they want us to see.

New house.

Successful business.

Perfect relationship.

Amazing holiday.

Spiritual awakening on a beach in Bali while the sun conveniently sets behind them. 😂

What you don’t usually see is the argument they had twenty minutes earlier, the credit card bill, the anxiety, the failed ideas, the years of work or the fact that it took 47 photographs to get that one picture.

We’re comparing the messy, unedited version of our own lives with somebody else’s shop window.

Of course we’re going to come off badly.

We’re not comparing like with like.

The Ego Loves a Scoreboard

We talked about the ego earlier in this series, and comparison is one of its favourite games.

It wants to know where you rank.

Who’s ahead?

Who’s behind?

Who’s got more?

Who’s getting more attention?

And it works both ways.

The ego doesn’t only say, “They’re better than me.”

It can also say, “I’m better than them.”

Same game. Different end of the scoreboard.

Inner Mastery isn’t about getting to the top of that scoreboard.

It’s realising you don’t have to play.

Even Spiritual People Do It

Oh yes. 😂

Spirituality certainly doesn’t make us immune to comparison.

People compare how long they meditate.

How many courses they’ve done.

How many certificates they’ve got.

Who their teacher was.

How spiritual they are.

How un-egotistical they are — which is always an interesting one.

You can turn absolutely anything into a competition if you try hard enough.

But spirituality isn’t a league table.

Neither is personal development.

Someone being further along in one area doesn’t make them more valuable than you. You may have travelled roads they haven’t even encountered yet.

We’re all learning different things at different times.

Envy Isn’t Always the Enemy

Here’s something I think we sometimes get wrong.

Feeling a little jealous of somebody doesn’t automatically make you a bad person.

Sometimes envy is actually information.

If you see somebody doing something and feel that little sting inside, instead of beating yourself up about it, get curious.

What exactly am I reacting to?

Maybe they’ve had the courage to do something you’ve been putting off.

Maybe they’ve created the freedom you’ve been wanting.

Maybe they’re expressing themselves in a way you haven’t allowed yourself to yet.

That’s useful information.

Instead of thinking, “Why have they got that?”

Try:

“What is this showing me about what I want?”

Now comparison has stopped being a weapon and become a signpost.

Get Back in Your Own Lane

This is probably the bit that matters most.

You don’t know somebody else’s full story.

And they don’t know yours.

You don’t know what advantages they’ve had, what they’ve sacrificed, what they’ve survived or what’s happening behind closed doors.

So how can you possibly measure two completely different lives using the same ruler?

You can’t.

Your starting point is different.

Your circumstances are different.

Your responsibilities are different.

Your experiences are different.

Your path is yours.

That’s not some fluffy motivational quote. It’s simply true.

Look Back Occasionally

If you’re going to compare yourself with somebody, compare yourself with the person you used to be.

Think about yourself five years ago.

Ten years ago.

What did that version of you worry about?

What couldn’t they handle that you can handle now?

What have you survived?

What have you learned?

What boundaries have you developed?

What have you finally stopped giving a toss about? 😂

We often miss our own growth because we’re standing inside it.

Sometimes you need to look backwards for a minute to realise just how far you’ve actually travelled.

Then turn around and keep going.

Someone Else Winning Doesn’t Mean You’re Losing

This one took me a while to understand.

Someone else’s success doesn’t take anything away from yours.

Someone getting an opportunity doesn’t mean you’ve missed yours.

Someone being brilliant at something doesn’t make you less capable.

We don’t need to dim somebody else’s light so ours looks brighter.

Celebrate people when they’re doing well.

Learn from them if there’s something worth learning.

Then get back to your own work.

Because while you’re watching everybody else’s journey, nobody is walking yours.

Ponder This

I don’t think we’ll ever completely stop comparing ourselves.

We’re human.

But we can catch ourselves doing it.

And when we do, instead of allowing it to ruin our day, we can ask:

“Why has this bothered me?”

Maybe the answer reveals an insecurity.

Maybe it shows you something you genuinely want.

Maybe you’ve just spent far too long scrolling through bloody Facebook. 😂

Whatever the answer is, pay attention to it.

Who are you comparing yourself with?

What do you believe they have that you don’t?

And is that actually true, or are you looking at one tiny piece of their life and filling in the rest yourself?

Bring your attention back home.

You don’t need somebody else’s life.

You’ve got enough work, wonder, mistakes, possibilities and adventures waiting inside your own.

Let them walk their road.

You walk yours.

🛠 Give This a Go

The next time you catch yourself comparing, don’t immediately try to stop the thought.

Ask yourself:

“What is this showing me?”

If it’s insecurity, work with it.

If it’s something you genuinely want, take one step towards it.

And if it’s just social media nonsense, put the phone down and make a brew. 😂

✨ Inner Mastery

Someone else’s progress is not evidence of your failure. Their path is theirs. Yours is still being written.